Bella doesn’t really think about why she began drinking. Now at 15, it feels like she has known nothing else. Her drink of choice is Sprodka – a mix of Sprite and vodka that looks perfectly harmless but takes her where she needs to be at the end of a day.

Bella feels overwhelmed much of the time with her schoolwork, which she used to ace no problem, but now not so much. There is also the loss of her beloved grandmother who she called Laurel. Laurel has been her rock for much of her childhood, and somewhere to go when her parents were fighting… again. Laurel showed her things that her mother should have, and answered any questions she had about life. Much of this was during hours of playing Scrabble together.

Little does Bella know that her own mother had problems connecting with her mother when she was young. Being a world famous photographer, Laurel was more focused on her subjects than her daughter.

But now Laurel has gone and her empty home is now a sanctuary for different reasons – giving Bella somewhere to drink alone and without judgement.

Bella is the one in her group of friends that shoulder taps older guys and woman outside liquor stores for drinks for parties, or just for hanging out. She has developed lots of ways to ensure she always has enough Sprodka to get her through her days.

But her drinking is beginning to cause problems in school, and amongst her friends, as her behaviour becomes more erratic. She’s already lost her boyfriend, and his words…”too much” are practically tattooed on her brain.

She is famous among her peers for her ‘freak out’ at a party one night, and with her grief over Laurel, her loss of her boyfriend and her schoolwork spiraling downwards faster than she can fix it, she tries to forget it all with even more alcohol at another party.

The fallout terrifies her friends, family and even her ex, and Bella is forcibly put on a path of recovery. She meets others who have been where she is, and she begins to find her way back to her past self. But it’s incredibly difficult, painful and a path that must include putting herself first, before her parents, her teachers and even a possible new love.

The path is full of traps, holes and is a rocky one, but every failure makes her stronger.

At first it was hard to read (watch) Bella’s self destruction. She is so smashed up inside with the loss of loved ones, her good school grades and even self respect. Pile on her parent’s divorce and the endless push pull between them and Bella’s suffering is so real on the page.

It never dawns on her that it’s possible to be an alcoholic at only 15, but the more that goes wrong, the more she has to drown with alcohol to keep sane. The more I read, the closer I felt to Bella. It was as if I wasn’t looking through a window or screen to Bella’s life any longer  (like when I first began reading) but standing with her, in her pain.

Kathleen Glasgow does this to me every time – showing me young lives that shouldn’t be hurting so badly. That shouldn’t be going through things even tough for adults. But of course there are, and I feel for them every time I read a new Glasgow novel.

There is a very personal note from the author in the front of the novel, and this time I wanted not only to hug the characters, but the author too.

Author – Kathleen Glasgow

Age – 14+

(2024, Harper Collins, Alcoholism, Alcoholic, Substance Abuse, Denial, Grief, Lies, Parties, Loss, Family, Divorce, Rehab, Relationships, Sisters, School, Friendships, Drinking, Vodka)